On Trail of Crumbs - It was quite refreshing to get Heidi's perspective on the book because I wondered if I was missing something! The book seems to be generally lauded and I thought that I may be the only one that found Kim Sunee confusing and difficult to follow. Inasmuch as I admire any woman that follows her own star it can become irritating to hear a litany of complaints and general indecision. I do not know how much of this was a result of the editing (Heidi made a good point that the editors may have been trying to create a villain in Olivier which would affect the flow) or the stream of conscious story telling. I found it difficult to really get into the story because it seemed that the entire novel was a series of vignettes and nothing more. After every chapter I was left with questions - Why does she not speak up for herself? Why is she so ambivalent about her lover's child?
I was told once by a close friend that there was a danger to "living in your head." As a generalization I think that the statement is not very helpful but there is something to being too metaphysical about your life. I saw this tendency in Kim. At one point Olivier says to her, "You just don't live in this world do you Kim?" I thought that this statement was quite loaded but she never responded to it. I wanted to know throughout the book why she seemed so melancholy and whether she recognized that tendency in herself and wanted to change it. Heidi said that she must have wanted some understanding because of her meetings with Grignon but I got the impression that these sessions left her more confused than ever.
I do not meant to suggest that Sunee conjured up things that were not there. Her lover does indeed seem to be controlling. Routinely entertaining 30 plus guests is exhausting and what intelligent woman does not want her own life, her own purpose? So while I understand her desire to branch out on her own, there seems to be a fundamental lack of self-awareness that I found baffling. Heidi mentioned the same irritation with her not stating the obvious about her background with the multiple clues that she is not fully Korean.
I should note that it is always easier to see the proverbial trees when it isn't your forest. It's easy to judge her and I think it was a brave thing for her to do - to write a chronicle of her life during a time when many of us are confused and wandering (hence the wayward) but I think that she left us with no account of what she learned from her actions. I believe that she tried to capture what she was then and what she thought then but I kept waiting for Sunee to tell us how she feels about that period in her life NOW but it never came. Heidi said that she has read her writing now and finds her much less irritating - I hope this is the case.
While I certainly had some grievances with the book I'm glad I read it. In part I took it as a cautionary tale of what can happen when one is too indecisive, too unsure about yourself and what you want. It demonstrates how easily the years can pass while you remain with a nagging sense that things aren't as they should be but make no effort to change them. I also related to the pain that comes from wanting to undo what you've done but being at the mercy of another person's life decisions as well. The scene in which she tried to get Ollivier back was especially heart-wrenching. Like my girl Alanis Morisette says, "I recommend getting your heart broken to anyone."
But on to greener pastures! Our new book is a work of fiction and explores an always fascinating proposition - "What if I had chosen that other road?" I am enjoying it so far and can't wait to hear what you ladies thought!
-S
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